Who I Am Not

You’ve read my bio; my life created who I am now, and who I am now creates a lot of misconceptions. SO, let me tell you who I am not, so if you are inclined that way, you can get over being scandalized that I don’t behave the way you think I should.

I am NOT a GURU, I’m not even a guru, nor do I have a guru. I have nothing against them; I just don’t feel the need for one personally.

I believe that the master is the one who creates the most masters.

I want playmates and fellow adventurers, not followers – except maybe on Instagram if I ever get that figured out.

I’m not a Therapist or Health Practitioner, or Coach. I’m just JOY.

I dedicated my life to teaching people the fast, easy, fun ways I’ve discovered to have a better more joyful life, because it’s how I make everything that happened to me make sense. It’s my Legacy.

I don’t need anyone to anyone to believe anything I say, or do what I suggest. It’s your life, your choice of what you do with it. I invite everyone to think for themselves, try the tools, and when you find out how well they work, pay them forward, that’s it. 

I believe it’s time to Skill Up, Step Up and Help One Another UP!

I am not an angel, saint, or any other heavenly being. I like angels very much; I work with them as a matter of course. I am not one.

I have accepted the following Labels from my North American friends:

The Wish Granter, The Cosmic Ass Kicker, Faery Godmother

Multiple Near Death Experiences have clearly defined for me a life of service  My life circumstances and heritage made me an ideal channel for Divine Will… and not much good for anything else.

Thanks to the drunk driver I ‘look normal’ but operating in 3D isn’t easy for me. 

I effortlessly access other realms and dimensions to bring back solutions to use in this one. But I might have difficulty finding my way round the block or using a phone.

I’ve found God is much more qualified than me to guide where I go and what I do. As long as I leave the details to Upstairs Management, eye popping miracles are manifested through me daily.

I bring hope and help to the world because people look at my life and say “Good grief! If she can do that, I’ve got a chance.”

I’m learning as I go, just like everyone else. I’m a master of living in the moment because not much outside of the moment exists for me. I can’t plan ahead and I can’t remember back. I can listen to the same CD over and over, never knowing what comes next.

I don’t remember what people look like. If you are sitting in front of me and I close my eyes I have no idea what colour hair you have or what kind of skin you are in. Don’t take it personally when I don’t know who you are. I don’t remember what I look like either, I’m always a bit startled when I look in the mirror.

Please be kind and introduce yourself with your name and a reminder to help me find the thread.

Everything is always new for me; I never get tired of the miracle of hot water or the wonder of trees, or the amazement of finding myself in a human body. The flipside is that it can be difficult for me to remember stuff like how to wash dishes, or use the computer.

Things are rapidly improving as I continue to work on re-establishing the neurological pathways in my brain. All it takes is dedicated repetition, sadly follow through is not my strong point.

Fortunately I have found a natural product that has massively improved my brain function and memory and overall health in the last couple of years. YAY!

I don’t know how to ‘take it slow’, I only know what’s in front of me, and like any one of us, I only have this moment in which to live. After many walks with Death, I live in full technicolour, no apologies, holding nothing back, following the 12th commandment:

Thou shalt not bore God

I have a personal mission to make each life that I touch more JOYful. I am not always good at that, but I do always go my best. All I can ever do is my best, as I learn more my best gets better.

I am not a vegetarian. I have the soul of a vegetarian, but I was raised in New Zealand, in a meat and potatoes household, in a country with 3 million people, and 60 million sheep. We ate a lot of lamb. It’s still my favourite food.
I am a Qualitarian, I only eat quality food, no factory farming or ‘conventional’ grown food.

I take great care to bless my food and raise its vibration with gratitude before taking it into my body.

I don’t do yoga – at least I haven’t to date. I am quite looking forward to starting. I am sure I will say “Why didn’t I do this YEARS ago? I feel so much better!” I just haven’t gotten round to it yet.

I don’t care a whit for fashion, I wear whatever pleases me, and I don’t own a single pair of heels.

I don’t BS, I don’t see the point. I was raised in a culture that says what it means and means what it says. If I don’t like something about myself so much that I have to lie about it, I’ll just change till I do like me. I don’t have the memory required to lie.

I don’t beat around the bush. Don’t ask me a question you don’t want me to answer truthfully. Tact is not my strong point, this is unlikely to change because I like that about myself… then again, everything about me is subject to change without notice, so who knows, a more tactful JOY maybe in my future.

I am always finding ways to improve myself, I ‘upgrade my software’ at least once a month, reviewing my beliefs, making sure none are past their use by date. I am frequently horrified to discover things I have been doing that could have been done SOOOO much better, and will be now that I know.

Please leave your assumptions and expectations at the door and have patience with me, I look ‘normal’ but it’s a little unusual inside my head.

I am an eternal work in progress, perfect in my imperfections, constantly evolving into the next Grandest Version of myself.